Complacency is dangerous in almost every context. It basically means to be self-satisfied. Complacency oozes with “good enough” thinking, or I’m comfortable where I am and don’t want to move or change. Mediocrity is king. This attitude degrades and destroys everything it touches, but it breaks down relationships at supersonic speeds.
Is your marriage complacent? Here are two big indicators:
1. You’re busy, but still bored.
Let me explain. If you both have a lot of activity on your calendar, but it has no purpose or end goal, and your together-time is empty, then your family lacks vision. We are not made to be alone, so we need partnership. Neither are we made to be fruitless, so we need purpose — purposeful partnership. A marriage that is busy for nothing is boring and ultimately complacent.
One solution is to get a bigger “why" for your marriage than just surviving. Once you’ve focused on a family vision then you can schedule the calendar activities around it. This helps you say “yes” to the best things and “no” to the rest. Here's a suggestion: Read You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan (free pdf version can be downloaded at https://www.youandmeforever.org/s/YouAndMeForever.pdf) and/or Start with Why by Simon Sinke. Then plan a weekend away to follow the wisdom found in these books.
2. You communicate, but little changes.
Something more frustrating than not communicating at all is to do so but not listen or learn from it. Couples can repeat the same critical conversations over and over, and yet never follow through with the necessary behavior changes — we should get our finances in order, our home more organized, our schedules less hectic, etc. Over time this inaction produces a hopelessness and an eventual complacency.
A solution might be to go to marriage or family counseling and schedule a session once a quarter for a year. These four appointments will serve as accountability deadlines. Essentially, you know you’ll face and pay a third party about your progress.
Complacency is death to any relationship. No one can pull you from its terminal grip but you, but the good news is God helps us. The Book of James says “faith without action is dead,” but simultaneously encourages us to ask for God’s wisdom when we lack it. Right now, pray for God’s wisdom to escape complacent thoughts and behavior patterns, and then be ready to act on His instructions. Perhaps, this post was the beginning of wisdom for you.